My Addiction
I tell myself I'm going to stop, I tell myself I will never do it again. Yet, everyday, I find myself taking a snort of my hardest foe, sleep. I sleep too much, especially when I'm down. I feel great after five or six hours of sleep, seven to eight I feel alright, nine and more I'm like shit on toast all day. I know that I can't do it, I don't have the spare time, it's effecting me adversally health wise, and its not doing anything for me. Why do I do it then? Why is it that when I'm awake, laying in bed, I refuse to give up hope of falling back asleep for another three or four hours? Easy, when I dream, I'm god. I know it's a dream, so I can reshape the world to my own desires. The people, with but a thought I can change appearance, personallity, and motives. The world is like the ether. I can manipulate the landscape with a whim, and do the physically impossible with my own person. I do what I want, when I want, and no one stops me from getting what I want. It's tough giving that up when I feel unfullfilled in life, but I'll tell you this much. When you have as lucid of dreams as I have and can control them with ease, you don't need drugs cause they don't compare.
My Obsession
Well, it's always something really. When you have a one-track mind that's the way of things. However, the major thorn in my side that has persisted for most of the time when I've had a working computer has been video games, as well as home systems. I can spend every waking hour on them rather than studying, socializing or eating. I take a shower, play until it's time to be god, and wake up the next evening to do it all again. I don't mind when my current obsession is drawing or painting models, just cause atleast I have something to show for it in the end, even when my papers get ruined or models crushed. As soon as I lose interest in the video game, all I have is the memories and can reminisce with another player of the same game or similiar genre. Otherwise the knowledge is useless. If it were possible to waste time, playing video games would be a way to do so.
My Aspiration
I think it should be everyone's goal, to be a better person. By bettering myself I can help the condition of those around me as well as those abroad. By reading philosophy, learning the sciences, and becoming more adapt at social situations you can really live for more than yourself. By becoming knowledgable you can help spread that knowledge to others as well as apply it to your own reasoning, thus further spreading the message, whatever it may be. My focuses are theology and anthropology, mainly judeo-christian studies, but I am trying to expand the bredth of my near eastern and far eastern religions, and Eurasian history. I realize that much of Americas and Africa has a rich theological basin, as well as one of strife and discordant history, it's just that the history of the civilizations that rose to the top interest me more than the ones that more or less stagnated around iron and bronze age technology. Austriallia, with the fantastic (literally from my eyes) aborignal religions, could take years for me just to begin to understand it, it's truelly incredible. Just for some reason, I don't have the interest. Anyway, by studying and applying the leasons of the past and the teachings of the sage philosophers, I can try and better myself. Everyone may view betterment differently, mine is somewhere along the lines as the benifit I give to other people.