Ok, if you know me at all, you know that my concept of sexual relations comes from the Victorian era. I'm saving myself for marriage, in other words, and I've even come to regret getting a Two-Pointer, it was a lay-up keep in mind, with two different girls. Still, living a life of chastity is difficult in today's society, don't let me mislead you, many a time I have come close to pushing this vow of mine aside because an opportunity presented itself.

This does not mean I believe that sexual relations begin and end with the missionary position, far from it in fact. I think that all that having sex in an elevator, on the kitchen table, in the coatcheck room and just about anywhere passion happened to grab you at the time is exciting. I also believe that getting one of those little books of sexual positions could be a great way to keep the heat in the bedroom itself, not to mention dressing up in costumes to fulfill childhood fantasies.

The key difference though is I only want to do this shit with my wife exclusively, and most guys have the attitude of sex is sex, and you can do it with anyone anytime. A few still have the mentality of that's the kind of girl you date, not marry, and that frightens me everytime. Simply put, that's the kind of guy who cheats. I've known several gentlemen in my time that, while dating and having sex with the young lass, they have also pursued hookers. To some, sex is about power, and they wish to degrade their girlfriend as much as they can with sexual positions and what not, and because of self-esteem issues the girls put up with it, afraid that no one will like them if they don't give in to such craven sexual desires. The following essay is based on my perceptions and observations of male-female relations. I do not have enough exposure to the homosexual community to comment on other variations of the sex model, I apologize for that.

Sex is complicated enough for guys, but with women today, and for the past thirty years, it's been a complete mess. Many girls I know enjoy sex and are proud to admit it, what they don't realize is the perception many hold behind their backs. The easiest way to avoid all I'm about to say is for a woman to date outside her circle of friends. If you go to a small highschool and wanna have sex, date men from other highschools not in your area, a good hour drive atleast. This may be easy to do in the city, and I realize it's difficult out in the mid-west, but my reasons are sound. If you date people from a pool with whom you don't regularly see, you are considered unattainable by the company around you. Even if it's a different guy every week, your male friends will see you with longing rather than the butt of jokes. If you date even a couple of guys from your circle of friends, you're a slut who gets passed around. Some men do kiss and tell, others don't, but when you got two guys in the same room that have slept with the same girl, people know it and people laugh. Girls may just want to have fun, but I know it's not at the expense of their reputation. Take it from me, don't date friends unless you believe it's love, and not just fun experimentation.

I know it seems I wish to avoid all this confusion by being chaste, and while there is some truth to that I know that not everyone can keep to that life style and I don't expect them too. Rather, I desire the moral authority to say to my children, fates willing, that they shouldn't have sex right away. I will not say to them wait until their married, but I will tell them the parable of the college student. All guys just want to have sex, it's their job to try, if they didn't we'd have no babies. It's the girl's job to hold out just long enough that the guy has to put in effort to sleep with her. I know this sounds antiquated, but hear me out. A guy who can get a three-pointer with a girl he happened to meet that night at a party will not call her again. If a guy has to work a series of date's, spending money on her as well as mental exertion, it makes the honey all the sweeter, and he'll probably want to hold on to that. These are not hard and fast rules mind you, I'd like to think I prove there are anomolies out there. However, on a whole I'd say this is generally true of male thinking, that if a girl doesn't put out right a way she's not a whore, and a guy can respect that. Although, if the relationship degenerates into sex on every encounter, the guy will lose respect for the girl and treat her like trash. If she holds out, keeping the guy longing just enough while also satisfing both their desires, the relationship will be on more equal footing.

One day these theories of mine may not apply, but today they hold fast, with a few exceptions based on locational norms. Still, that's more about outward appearnces. A guy may have no respect for the girl, but he may not show it to her, because the odds of him getting another girl are slim because of the girl-guy ratio. It's a lie, and it will come out from time to time, the question is will the girl dismiss it because the sex is good and doesn't care what he thinks of her or because she doesn't want to believe it.

I am young, and as such so are most of my friends. I know of those that can seperate the sexual aspects of a relationship from the emotional ones, and thus have what I would like to consider a "mature" relationship. It's not just about sex, the people trully enjoy one anothers company for more than just male-female activities. This level of relationship is not immediate, but may come after several dates or several months, depending on the people, at which they feel comfortable to be themselves and they no longer feel that they have to be "on", by which I mean putting up a display as to attract the other person. They are at ease at being themselves together. From my experiance thus far, you either are capable of this or not. In other words, I have friends that after many months of dating never attain what I consider seperation of sex and the relationship. One person (usually the girl) may consider it more than just sex, when in actuallity the guy is just in it for fun and frolics. From where I am standing, I do not think they will ever pass out of this phase. I know that not to be true, however, since that's how most men are but most men also settle down. Some may continue being a sexual deviant and dating on the side, but most men, I'd like to think anyway, end up changing. There are many different ways this can happen, and some have very negative names like settling down, being pussy-whipped, and hanging up your stirrups to name but a few. What is actually happening is the guy himself is maturing, and while he may end up never trully being happy with his companion, always wondering what if he hadn't chosen her, regretting his predicament, he ends up learning to love. This does not always happen, and in today's society there is sadly many a broken home because the man was not willing to change his ways and the woman thought he was different, all too often I'm afraid. That is why I feel it's important for women to understand that men view sex differently, and while a woman may develop an emotional bond from sex it doesn't mean the man will. And if the woman thinks she can have her fun and not hurt herself in the long run she's mistaken, today's society still looks down on female promiscuousness. Her peers, and the man's peers, will have a lacking of respect for her.

One day, such things will not matter, but today they do. All I ask is that you consider your choices with what I have said in mind. Basically, for women I am saying make the guy work for it, even if you want him to rip off your clothes, he will never respect you if you ask for him to do it off the bat. A girl begging for sex is unappealing, believe it or not, and those thoughts are better kept to yourself. If you go around announcing it, you may get a guy to take you up on your offer, but he will not be seeking a long term relationship with you, just a one night stand in most cases. You may not even think you want a long term relationship, but trust me when I say when you love someone and you know they love you back, it changes your world for the better, and you'd do well to seek it out more thoughtfully.

As for guys, I'm basically saying stop being dicks. Realize the girls you're having sex with have feelings of their own, and while everyone may be having a good time in bed, your relationship needs to be more than just flirtatious activities. At first, of course not, that's the whole ritual of dating, but eventually you must realize you need to take the relationship "to the next level" by admitting to yourself you want to satisy the woman's needs beyond the bedroom, and start doing things that are related to sex or where you think the reward will be sex. If you change your perspective early, you'll end up being a lot happier in the long run because until you realize you are the one that needs to change, you won't be able to keep a girl for a long amount of time, a couple of years at most. That may not bother you now, but is that what you want the rest of your life to be? Do you want nothing more than hollow relationships until you are no longer attractive enough, or wealthy enough, to keep the ladies coming? If you think you're going to marry a virgin who never said a foul thing in her life but will date whores for now, do you also think that will make you happy? Don't you want a girl that's closer to your personality, whom you have fun with? Do you think you'll be happy in a puritan household?

I wish I could say more, but as I interrupt writing these essays for the needs of the world I live in, my train of thought becomes muddled. If I can think of ways to improve this essay over time, I will, because this is something I feel is very important right now, because I see it happening all around me and feel so helpless. I've seen people destroy themselves because they can not act in a mature fashion when it comes to the opposite sex, or destroy another person. I know we do not mean to act malicously, but we end up hurting others because we do not realize just what it is we are doing wrong. I hope that while this essay will not be a one-hundred and eighty degree change in your life-style, you may take the underlying meaning to heart and think more about your signifigant other's needs than your own.

and when I learn more about the gay community I'll write about that too, we all deserve happiness