Normally I don't make my entries so personal, but today warrents it.

I was going through my artwork collection today, scanning it into the computer so that it might be saved digitally, in case of future accidents as well as to easily share it with others, when I couldn't help but review the collection as a whole. I always knew I had a propensity towards drawing female figures over male, and my reasons have always been for the love of the female body over the male body. However, it also made me think of how I review movies.
You see, I have reached the level of understanding that I can tell people what a director/writer was attempting to do artistically with a movie, tv show, or book. I mean that I can tell people what the attempted message is, but whether or not it is the actual message can only be confirmed by listening to the authors own words, for I pull that message out of my ass.
Having said that, in looking at my artwork, and knowing how I review modern media, I thought, can artwork be done in the name of good or evil? I am not talking about using artwork, such as in a facist state, where artwork is used to proliferate ideology and cult icons. I mean the actual art making itself.
In some cases, the art I've made was for the use in story telling, to give pictures to some of my ideas of characters and situations. While it might be better to leave some things to the imagination of the reader, in truth I want others to see my vision, not their own. While that is acceptable, what troubles me is in my free artistry. True, having practice to allow my skill to grow is necessary, but I don't arbitrarily draw what comes across my eye, just what I find aesthetically pleasing. And, I'd say about 29 out of 30 times it will be a woman of some kind. The thirtieth might be a man or an inanimate object. While that might be harmless, I know the truth to be a touch more sinister.
I admit, I do get off quite a bit from beautiful women, I would be a liar if I didn't say that. And, through the act of drawing, I nigh permanently burn an image of that woman into my mind, and whenever I need a refresher, looking at the picture does just that. Is that evil, or is that art? If I had a picture book of beautiful women, be it photos or magazine clippings, I'd be the first to say that's perverted. However, does having the drawn figures make me a pervert or an artist, with an accent on the i.
It is difficult for me to say from looking inwardly at myself, because I very much feel perverted, but on the other hand I know for certain that one of those weird dressing art critics that speak with the phony accents would say, no max, you are an artist, with accents on max, you, are, an, and artist. So if a pretentious fop would consider me an artist, does that mean I'm not a pervert. Does it have to be mutually exclusive, can I be an artist despite, or because of, my being a pervert?
I know that in previous articles, I've stated how most everyone is a pervert to a small degree, and so the term loses meaning, however I know that in this case it is more than just a slight interest, I make a hobby of seeking attractive women for my pencil. This is beyond the average every day pervertitry. Is that evil? Is making art purely for money evil? Is it evil to have a sign saying five minute pencil portraits when everyone else has six or seven minutes on their signs in a tourist trap, when you actually take the same amount of time as the competition, you just hope that you'll attract more customers who won't care when minute five comes and goes without you being finished.
Is art beyond the notions of good an evil, should an artist be able to dabble in drugs that are illegal without legal repercussions because, as an artist, they have license to a world the rest of us are forbidden from? Should an artist be heralded as a hero even while he is a known wife beater? I know that I am not the first to raise these questions, particullarly with musicians, which are known to be a part of a world of, the be cliche, sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Even though rock and roll may be dead, hip hop takes it even to the extreme of flaunting those deviant behaviors as lifelong goals for the youth. Seeing polygamy, murder, obscene luxury and drug abuse as not just vaunted lifestyles, but as necessities for happiness.
Adults are able to distingiush between fantasy and reality. Sure, it might be nice to be have a stable full of sex slaves, and a mansion as big as a football field, but adults know that wouldn't lead to happiness, or fulfillment.
Ultimately, it takes other factors to allow a person to be satisfied with their condition, but children don't know that. While it is not the artists fault that many children do not have the responsible parents to teach them that it is just fantasy and an unfulfilling way of life, do artists bear some responsibility in the version of reality they present to the public.
In my situation, it's the perfect woman that I'm guilty of presenting. I create a very high standard of beauty, that might make women feel insecure about their own forms. As much as they may be adults, some are still vulnerable to criticism, direct or otherwise. As such, do I add to the eating disorders and self loathing that some women feel? Sure, its good to motivate people to exercise for fitness reasons, but we all know that what I'm doing is make women feel self conscious. In our society, a man could look at a really jacked (muscular) speciman of manhood, and feel a little inadequete, but after about an hour they tend to get over it. It is only when immasculated through a situation by a stronger man will a man seek to change his situation, either through working out or peck implants.
Even then, most all men I draw are fully clothed and cover the range from young to old, rarely having a cut (muscular) body. Most women I draw wear revealing clothes and are young and attractive. How culpable am I? I know that I won't be changing my habits any time soon, so if I am indeed guilty of perpetuating an ideal that is hurtful, that would make me evil, wouldn't it?
In the end, it is not for me to decide. One can only define evil by the presence of good, they are not absolutes, but relatives. It is for others to decide for themselves, based off of their personal values and experiances.

Makes that Metallica song where they ask, Am I Evil, all the more poignant.